I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
