i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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