i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
