My liver just broke up with me...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
