Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
