Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
