great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
