you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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