I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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