While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
