We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
