I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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