I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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