I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
