alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
