yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
