went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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