She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
