i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
