Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
