This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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