oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
