My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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