This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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