Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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