I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
