my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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