i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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