we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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