So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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