My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
