Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
