you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
