I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FUCK WHALES
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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