Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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