I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
