kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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