plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
