I wanna bring you to show and tell
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
