And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
