Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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