god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
