That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
