Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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