Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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