woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
