It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
