I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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