I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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