I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize