Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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