somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
