I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
