ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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