Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
