Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
