Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
