Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
