My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
