I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
