im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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