Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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