and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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