oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
