i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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