question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
