I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
