Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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