my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
