i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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