Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
