I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
