I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize