Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
