At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
