Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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